- now listening to 'First Kiss' by Aa! -

First and formost I would like to say how much I love this song. The tune is wonderful at strumming at the emotional strings within my soul.

Neways, as my title says, there're firsts for everything. I've been exposed to a couple of firsts.

For one, Warhammer 40k is a first time aspect that kicks ass. With its intricacy in story detail and history, it is candy for a new idea, concept and civilisation. A sort of Harry Potter way of revelation, to take one to a whole new world, although in Warhammer, things aren't so much as magical but more on way-exaggerated-proportions.

When they say 'size matters', hell yeah it does in 40k!

- now listening to 'Namida ga tomaranai houkago' by Morning Musume -

I love this song as well. Bubbly and cute. Lol. Ha ha.

Neways...

I've also had my first on jotting down details of a short skirmish match for Warhammer. I've then written it in a short story from. Sanity and Quiz, just wait a little while more. I've just gotta check it out for 'cleanup' and then the story will be out for you to read. =3

That aside hmmm, there was a first in realising how much I've clinged myself to Hello! Project songs as well. Currently damn hooked up with Momusu and Berryz Koubou for sum weird reason or another. Alotta people can't exactly stand their songs but I dunno why I find them interesting. Lol.

Perhaps I need that jump in hype or sumthing? I dunno. I actually start my day with a good dose of H!P songs. Seriously I do. Think listening to genki songs in the morning through me MP3 player, songs that somehow alotta ppl find trouble swallowing.

Oh well. =P

DoTA of course the hot topic of the moment. Lol.

- now listening to 'Piriri to Yukou' by Berryz Koubou -

Yes Quiz, I will incorporate the new strategies that you talk about. =P

Well, in terms of gaming I've just sorta started on Lara Croft Tomb Raider Legend. The latest installment is actually kinda cool I must say.

Choreography wise, vast improvements plus tis highly cinematic. Tis like playing an interactive movie. =3

Lol.

As the title states, a first for many things, a first for a crash report.

Indeed it was a first for me to step into a police station to make a report on a car crash.

Yep, I've been involved in a car accident. But this time though, it wasn't my fault but the fault of quite a crazy fellow. This smart fellow came out of a turning, was on the left lane and me on the right. He then made a U-Turn without warning and boom, everything went all cinematic. -_-"

- now listening to 'Timpul Trece' by O-Zone -

Totally unexpected is how things usually work in this life. Here we are, me and 3 people in a car, driving home from quite an ok game of DOD. And suddenly sumthing like this happens. Talk about the ups and downs of life. Oh well. As long as I don't have to fork out any cash or anything.

Me and my passengers were okay, although I couldn't say much for the person who caused the accident. I'm sure he's gonna get quite a hefty scar. Ow.

Anyways, the real experience was actually making a report. There was quite a lot of paper work to do. And there was a CSI moment when I was actually sort of interrogated by the Sergeant there. Man, was he giving the impression of wanting to chew me out for breakfast man. O_O"

But all's well that ends well. A slight ache on me chest. But aside from that there wasn't much more hastle. Although I hafta go to the mechanics tomorrow to check me car out and settle the paperworks with the insurance dept. -_-"

Man, the troubles of going for something I didn't cause. And Quiz was going all about safe driving. Well yeah, I believe the four of us are now gonna drive slower for the sake of keeping ourselves safe from psychos.

- now listening to 'Ai Araba It's All Right' by Momusu -

That kid was a 17 year old dood that just got his damn license man. The saddest part was that all four of us were being nice enough to him not to press extra charges. I actually went to him to ask if he was alright or not. That guy didn't even say sorry and in the police station he even denied what happened.

But investigations went on and he was found guilty. Hurrah. Bad thing though is that I ain't got no car for 3 weeks as it's being repaired. Ai yai yai... -_-"

Oh well, that means staying at home to spend time with Momusu and Lara Croft. XD

- now listening to 'Go Girl! Koi No Victory!' by Momusu -

Screw me if I'm hoooked to Momusu for now. >_< LOL! XD XD XD

Ha ha ha.

Tis now 4 minutes to six in the morning. I'll be hitting the sack asap actually. Hmmm, what to do now. I've yet to tell me siblings bout what happened the night before. =P

Neways, I guess my entry ends here for now. Time to rest and clear me mind and heal me chest. X_x

Sweet dreams and happiness to all. May you all not be victims of bloody ass idiotic psycho drivers. >=E

Prolly will go watch the vid of the song playing now while I'm at it before sleeping. XD XD XD

Taka Ai matte yo! XD XD XD

Ja ne minna. =3

- now listening to 'Sexy Boy' by Morning Musume -

I shake my head slightly to the beat as I type this entry at a time close to 5 in the morning. Still wondering how to settle a college assignment that's pretty much due for inspection. I know and sense I'm gonna get screwed.

But...I don't have the right tools. And I just troubled a friend again. Gah...the karma repercussions that are to come. -_-"

Oh well.

Life's been rather shitty and hectic as of late. There're just so many factors, not just work. Peers, home, time, lack of freedom and personal space, etc....

Doesn't it sorta suck when one makes a comment about a complication you have without even understanding just how complex your complication is?

Sure...say something that's based on your POV. Life ain't how you view it. We have this thing called "seeing things from a different POV or perspective". A different POV for a different individual. Sighs...

Oh well, that person is a nice person so I won't say much. Just that I do hope one day enlightenment will dawn upon that person.

Hmmm...

I've been currently hooked to Momusu again. The new generation which currently is the 7th gen if not mistaken is nothing but a bundle-load of cuties. XD

Ha ha, eye candy...but not just the visual mind you. They sing songs of good quality as well.

It was nifty listening to Joshi Kashimashi Monogatari. Ingenious and total cuteness. Plus new faces to see. Cuteness those faces are too. =D

- now listening to "Renai Revolution 21" by Morning Musume -

Renai Revolution is pretty old, and was sung by the 5th gen I think. But regardless, the sounds are way past funky. Disconess mixed with a pretty good dose of genki. Nice to me ears. =3

Well, on the topic of Momusu, Joshi Kashimashi Monogatari sorta opened my eyes to the cuteness that is Taka Ai.

Tis amazing how her name fits in so many things to do with the heart. XD ha ha. Ai, wo ai ni! Ai, aishiteru!!! XD ha ha.

Well, tis just a lil side detour. Back to life as a whole, seen in the perspective of eyes outside the crystal ball that when turned upside down and right side up, snow falls upon the mini city within...

I just came back home from dinner not long ago. During the dinner me and Sanity had quite a discussion about cars, with the occasional big teddy making funny comments.

It was quite interesting actually how the flow of convo had moved. I noticed I was turning more and more Top Gear by the day. LOL. XD

I sorta feel so proud...

How we've changed.

Many things have indeed changed in life. Dad's like the tide, sometimes calm, most of the time a raging storm. Sis is off to college, hectic slowly consuming her. Me and bro talking more DOTA than the amount of clouds there are in the sky.

Sighs...

I'm looking for a different pace of life. Actually, I think I've partially achieved it. Sorta taken things a lil more slower. I'm also going to a state I used to be before, following an advice from a wise person.

Tis an irony, paradoxical situation actually.

That person told me not to listen to anyone but instead, do what I wanted to do, listen to my heart. And to go at my own pace. But hmmm, his first sentence sorta contradicted the whole scene in totality.

Should I listen to him? Or not? I did have my doubts bout the words he said, and to tell you the truth, I can't help but get lost in thought many a time figuring out what message truly lies behind the curtains, what lesson in life is there for me to learn and intergrate into myself. So far, Momusu has dragged me out for a relief of the mental faculty.

Thanks Taka Ai... =3 and thank you Sayu Michi and thank you Koha Kusumi (you're damn cute in Sexy Boy! ZOMG!)

Speaking of Taka Ai, it's pretty amazing watching her in Futarigoto. I mean, she didn't know what else to say after 70% of the segment, but what she had said did sorta put my POV about her in a different perspective. I used to think she was just cute and all. But watching her, from listening to her voice to observing her facial expression, she was a person immersed in memory and I don't know how to describe it but with just the word...divine.

Maturity comes out of her, an aura that showers upon you so gently it warms you with profoundness, as that of a good warm cup of drink on a cold day, how the liquid goes down your throat, warms your stomach from the inside and lets the warmth spreads througout the body.

At a point I felt love for her...I don't know how to describe. Just a strong emotion for her. Not lust or anything but instead, the feeling and urge to just hold her tight and let her know there's someone who really adores her and cares for her. Lol.

Talk about a fantasy eh? LOL.

Yeah...

I sit back and think, the inner persona in me smiling at the words I have just typed out. To live in a fantasy world...

Reality can be so painful nowadays. People say that to live in fantasy is to be weak cos you can't face reality. I wonder if that's true? And there was a comment I've heard stating that artists are people who just wanna run away from reality.

Really now I wonder. What do you think? I'm not sure what to make of it...

At one point tis insulting...but at one point you can't deny the truth as well. The concept of duality can be a pain sometimes. Both sides of the story are true and you have no clue which one to stand upon.

As Eri Kamei would say...

"Err...kochi! Err...kochi!" XD

- now listening to Obsesion by O-Zone -

Time waits for no man and that is very much true as I look at my watch.

Holy crap, has it already been that fast? All I did was take a short breather to read up on an article and already so much time has passed.

The human evolution is a timeline of many transformations to achieve adaptability to our surroundings. But can we truly keep up with this age?

There's this sorta image of many parallel streams of happenings flowing towards the same direction within the realm of existance in my head as I think about it.

The human evolution is synonymous with time. And now can we catch up with time that's going fast? Can we evolve to adapt to become one that can catch up with time itself? Will our race disintegrate and be blown away as we lose to time in an effort to chase it itself.

The outer time, the ultimate time, the time-beyond that lies beyond this realm, can we beat it? Beat it in an effort to catch up with time within this realm, the mundane time, the inner time.

Confusing eh? But interesting nonetheless to see so many parallels moving along at the same time itself. Time and its many forms...playing tricks on humans trying to catch up with it.

"Do we have time to catch up with time?" - Eug

We try so hard to grasp time, to have time within our control, our grasp. But are we losing time to get to the state of being able to catch time?

Will we be absorbed by time from the outside while we chase time itself on the inside?

The body can only take so much, and I feel we're wearing it out faster than we do our cars that we drive on a daily basis. Life isn't anymore holisitc, of one mind and body, but now of master and servant, the mind commanding the body, at most times pushing it to a point of near collapse.

I've made observations and realised just how abundant dark circles are on the eyes of many. I have them myself, the very proof of many late nights up trying to fulfil the requests of someone else who's willing to sacrifice the well-being of someone for printed paper with value we call money.

Not one with the wellbeing body, and just barely in touch with the money one is sacrificing the vessel so much just to achieve. Wow...

The one that wields the pen,
The one that has the words to say,
Sits back and speaks many words,
Smiling as he enjoys the wordplay.

Don't mind the verse. Just something that popped into me mind.

Anyways, my entry ends here for now. The eyes can barely stay open. May all have happiness.

- now listening to "The Primal Gods" -

Tis the middle of the exploration week as of the moment.

But first and foremost before anything, I wanna wish once again to a friend of mine Happy Birthday! A year older, a year wiser, but the heart, a kid you shall remain.

Hmmm, neways, back to the exploration week. The drive to finish assignments hasn't actually surfaced itself. Apparently motivation is a little child that is afraid of the bloody monster that is assignments.

I've lately been feeling very tired and fatigued beyond the description of words. I guess the only words that describe this phase, as a lecturer would put it :

"Burn out"

I have indeed been so badly burned inside out and outside in and whatever beyond and within. Life has been depleted of its many motivations in my world. World seems...empty to me...

I actually am shocked and at an awe at what has happened to me. I surprised and shocked really I am.

What happened to me? Really, what happened?

Lately, I've been so highly volatile, and highly tempremental, so highly on the edge, ready to pounce. I want to hurt idiots who just mess my life, I want to make em suffer so badly it scares me. I feel like a million spikes jutted out of me skin, like a sign that screams "Get The Fuck Away From Me".

Lately things have started to easily tick me off, from the smallest of words to the smallest of gestures to the smallest of actions.

What the fuck has indeed happened to me?

I used to be cool bout most things. I'm not saying it in a bragging way, but in a sort of way that meant that I was okay with alotta things. I was rather cool headed and calm and okay. But now, things have gotten out of hand so much.

Maybe it's because of the suppressions? Suppressions that come with being too nice? You keep a smiling facade. And then you let and allow people to walk all over you. People take advantage of you, play you like a toy.

But most people have recently shut up when it came to repetition of taunts. Repeated taunts were of the kind that really flared my inner flame. And once again, I used to be able to take more before. What happened man? Now tis like my limit has grown smaller.

I've told so many people off, severed the chain of taunts from repeating itself too much.

I'm scared of myself actually. What am I going to turn out to be? I can't let this go on...

It's freaking me out...

I spoke to a friend about my condition. There came a theory throughout our discussion that sorta stated it was perhaps the lack of feeling that you are in a place where you can belong. Hmmm, perhaps?

I don't know. To me, the world has seemed colder by the day...

There is no place to rest a weary head anymore, no place that would accept you with open arms, no place where you can feel you are needed...

What am I saying? Me, being sappy and weak? What am I now?

I laugh at my weakness. I have indeed crumbled, I have indeed fallen, I have indeed have my eyes half closed, ready for hibernation of the mind, wishing actually never to awaken.

Fatigue in the cold world isn't good.

Everyone is moving at a pace that I can't keep up. No hand reaching out for me to grab along the ride...I'm just left behind.

Or perhaps there's a demand life has placed that you have no one you can rely on but yourself? But that's harsh ain't it? Aren't we humans supposed to be united for we are social beings?

Life, one of the hardest thing to grasp and comprehend and understand. What is one's purpose in life? I feel like I'm walking without a purpose. No meaning, no goal, no ending, not a horizon to look at...

And a thought just came to my mind...

How is it that people who deserve so much suffering for causing the pain upon others live on a happy life? Karma can't be that biased right? Or is it altogether just a whole load of bullshit? This judgement system, is it a pile of worthless horseshit, created by men with power in means of controlling the minds of the majority through the sneakiest of ways that easily render them nothing more than caniving bastards and sons of bitches?

Maybe I'm being overly cruel or sadistic, but I feel that people who cause pain to others need to get their just deserves in a horrible and violent way. Tis like the pain must be 20 fold just to justify the pain they caused in the first place. Lately I've been having too many run ins with idiots who I feel need pain or perhaps a death penalty by some divine power just to redeem themselves. Fucking fucktards. Gah...

Man, what the fuck has indeed happened to me. I'm so angsty...

Geez!

Gah, perhaps tis the fatigue? My body screams for freedom. Sleep can't unlock the locks of the cage when the mind isn't at peace. Geez, there're like so many bloody demands...

Stealing time from a person isn't nice you know. You can't give or compensate for the intrusion and time stolen from someone, so don't bloody trouble people to begin with. I've been bugged by assholes as of late man. Sheez, fucking pain fucktards...

How is it that one doesn't aim to maintain forever in any aspect of our living life? Tis like, what is so special is started, but not maintained to last forever, or to put it correctly, until the end of our days? Tis like throwing that which is important out the freaking window.

One thing done and said today, tomorrow forgotten, and after that, never to found again...

Also, on a side note, I've been judged by one who is a boiling pot of personal problems that many suffer as well. Seriously, you dare to judge when you yourself are fucking annoying with your problems which its solutions are just fucking right there in front of your blind ass face. Tis like everytime I speak to this one all I ever get is nothing but bad news...

Sheez, is your life that fucked up? You got brains, use em you fuck! And you dare judge me...

The hell you know bout me man. You think what you claim about me ain't no struggle? I fucking struggle with it every waking day of my life man. You're the fucking asshole that ain't got no brains to see that other people suffer that which you suffer and that there're people who care for you.

You're doing okay, and you made a big hu ha over your damn problem. Sheez...

On another note...

Experimentation is the phase of trial and error that paves the path for improvement. Truth be told, but what happens when it causes the hurt upon another? Have you ever considered that person's feelings and the pain that person will go through?

No, of course not. Cause all you ever did was think of yourself. And when shit happens you choose the easiest path and that is to run away from the consequences of your actions. Man, I just can't believe you can still walk around with a smile. You deserve pain man, I wish I could wipe that smile of your face so bad.

Let go and forget...

Perhaps I should...my blood courses with the flow of revenge, vengeance and the need to avenge a pain that no one should suffer at all.

I close my eyes, and just hope for a better day...

Perhaps a sleep will do me good...

Let dreams take me away to a better land, fuck you nightmares...

Neways, my entry ends here for now. Chiows...

- now listening to "Resurrection" by PPK -

Happy Chinese New Year first of all.

Though the one week holiday given for this occasion be over, the many things that the tide which is this festive holiday has brought is indeed plentiful. So many changes, so many thoughts spawning amidst all the chaos.

Life to me, hmmm...chaotic.

Well, at least I've cleared two of my debts. I still think I have a couple more to clear up. But for now, we'll leave it at that.

The holidays were pretty enlightening. I've sorta learned many things regarding the conflicts I had within my father's family. The family seems rather separated as of late. Things aren't as they used to be. We seemed to have drifted further and further away from each other as time goes by.

And the arguments between my youngest uncle and my dad. Gawd, that sucked. Just being in the same house together with the two was nauseating. The tension was so thick in the air I had to step out.

Talk about one's family tree.

The leaves are turning dry and one by one they fall and soon the branches may crack. How can one look highly upon such a tree?

Sigh...

College has been sapping me of energy. As I stare and look I realised just how much I'm falling behind. I feel catching up becomes quite the chore. Should I once again take a break to catch up?

And then speaking of catching up, I stare into space on many occassions, wondering and thinking the same thoughts that kept repeating in my mind.

Am I doing the right thing? Am I on the right path? Will I regret taking this path? Time eats into me as I speak. Am I wasting time and not to mention the cash used to support this learning journey?

I look at the person who supports me. The burden he has to carry on his back. I feel saddened to see him in such a state. No person deserves such a burden. I don't want to disappoint him.

On another note, just recovered from sickness. I'm still feeling light headed, but well enough to at least update.

I'm surprised how alive I am, considering that I thought I was gonna die. It was a horrible sickness indeed. My mind was actually in a state of duality during that peak of sickness point. On one hand, I felt I wasn't ready to die. Perhaps tis cos I didn't want my father who was the only pillar of support for my sibs to break down and thus loose all connections of the family. But another part of me was ready for death. To me the thought of death being part of nature popped up. If I were to die, if it was my time, then I would let go.

But oh well, I guess I'm not dead yet. Lol.

Hmmm, there're so many things I wish to say, or moreover rant about but I guess I'll keep it at here for now.

Well, I guess my entry ends here for now. May all be happy always.

- now listening to "Deny" by W-Inds -

Tis now 3 in the morning. Damn, I should definitely be asleep cos I gotta get up early for class the next day.

But oh well. =P

There has been nothing but a lot of assignments lately. Been trying to adjust myself to the new environment.

Sis has started her term in the college of her choice. So far, she's a great inspiration and role model to me. She has this inner fire of motivation that doesn't seem to qwell easily even under the harshest of conditions.

Respect I have for her and to follow her I will.

It seems as well that this term brought upon a new change. The environment and people seemed to have changed somehow. Things are sorta...different.

Tis amazing how people can have a sudden change. One moment they are this ppl, and the next another.

Speaking of this statement, I smile as I recalled the talk that I had with a person I knew from a past. We were talking bout things and how we were. I now see as I saw at that moment of conversation, just how much I myself have changed.

She has changed as well, but I think I'm the one who underwent the big change if compared between us two.

Time time time...playing funny games.

Well, on another note, tis amazing to see someone sorta angry at me. I'm not sure whether that person is truly angry at me. Just that at moments, freeze frames within the timeline, I catch that person staring at me, but with an angry look as that person looks away.

Sometimes I wonder really what's going on. Hmmm...

I put a finger to my mouth and think...nope...didn't do nothing wrong at all. Heck, if there was indeed someone to be blamed it would be that person actually. After all, it was that person who started the problems. I tried making peace before but ah well, unfortunately that person doesn't see it as a peace action.

I did try to reconnect and recreate the connection. But oh well, I guess some people just push it away. I hope that person ain't mad at me for whatever reason cos that person's wasting some good old energy getting all worked up. After all, that person is the one at fault.

Aiming the daggers at the wrong place mate. Should aim at the person in the mirror ye know.

On a side note, hmmm, life's also taken a different turn.

How do I put it?

Among the many vegetation,
There are so many things to see,
But what caught my eye,
Is the image of flowers blossoming,
Beautiful flowers they were,
One though blown away by the wind,
A fleeting image.

Fortunately,
There remain the others,
But they are beauty to the eye,
But for the heart I'm sure not.

Only to do,
Is to take,
And sniff,
And figure out,
Whether it is right,
Right is the fragrance,
That is sweet,
From the inside,
To calm a thousand sorrows,
Within my one heart.

So far, the cold wind blows this way. But who knows? Seasons may change, and the warm winds may come.

So for now, as a Wanderer, just to wait and see what the weather may offer. I'm in no rush, in no hurry. Sit back, do a little bit to change the factors, but all in all, see what the tides of fate bring forth.

- now listening to the ending theme from Now and Then, Here and There OST -

Time, an abstract thing that binds us to the fabric of existance.

Lately I've been feeling life lacks time. Time seems to fly faster than the eye can catch and that's bad...

The days seem shorter, and I seem to be lacking the time to do things. Tis hard to balance things out it seems. Everything consumes time as time consumes everything. The paradoxical statement, as with all other paradoxes that seems to add up and equal the workings of our existance. The imbalances creating the balance.

I feel the tiny little voice inside me saying sleep...

Not cause I'm tired, but just that I can wake up the next day. -_-"

Sighs...

Having so little time...it sucks.

Can't seem to do what is needed and still have equal time to fulfil one's urges and needs for personal space, privacy and needs and wants.

Well, neways, my entry ends here for now. May all have happiness and time in their lives. =)

- now listening to "Scottish Anthem (remixed)" -

Tis a beautiful 7.42 pm evening. As I sit typing this I can't help but feel more and more enlightened.

I have just finished reading Dan Brown's "The Da Vinci Code". Great story it is indeed and a recommendation to all. Tis a good book, for it brings the reader to the roots of what one holds strongly as faith.

It was actually quite amazing and enlightening to see how many of my self principals connected with the contents of the book. Not entirely in a religious point but just a self principal point of view.

The book circled around the sacred feminine. It's somehow the materialisation of my observation, this book's contents here. For a long time after much pondering and observation of how civilisation and society as it is works, it has dawned upon me that women have been oppressed.

I've always believed that women should be protected, respected and supported. The male can't live without the female and the female is always there for the male she chooses. Sounds like a perfect fairy tale but I still believe in it. I'm sorta glad and honoured my beliefs coincided with the book's contents.

Most females these days have played at men's hearts. But then again, who's the blame them if it was the oppression caused by men themselves that brought upon such turn of events? Women have been used, manipulated and hurt by the greed of men who do not understand the sacredness and honour that has been bestowed upon them by the women who love them.

How can one take advantage of a woman who is willing to give her all because she believes that the one she chose is the one?

I've heard sad stories of how a guy states to a girl :

"If you want to be with me, you must sleep with me."

Has anyone heard such a statement? The absurdity of it all. I pray that the female facing this situation will turn and walk away. He's not worth it at all.

Perhaps maybe I am living in a true fantasy. But having read and heard of such pagan beliefs in the past, it makes me proud to strive hard for the protection of the feminine.

Lol. It brings many memories of the past. I used to be a knight in shining armour for one who believed in me. But unfortunate, it was the first time and I was naive indeed. I threw it away and has indeed been one regret in my life.

Times have changed though. Her mindset is of different as that of before. I missed the days back then once in a while. To be a knight for someone and to know someone is there for you always.

It was rather funny how it all started. How we met. I felt I was indeed a knight back then when we first connected as two strangers. How as time went by it developed. It was indeed like a fairy tale come true.

Sighs...the memories of a fairy tale in actuality coming to life.

But tis not to say it was magical as well. There had to be some reality in it. I guess I couldn't handle the reality back then.

Life has indeed garnered and polished me to be more...cautious.

Sometimes I felt it was more of being jaded and cold than cautious. Tis sad how one loses trust. The innocence has faded like the sands on a slab of stone, revealing only the cold harsh truth underneath.

Innocence is such a beautiful thing. Because you see with the glasses of wonder. Everything is the world is full of hope and dreams and possibilities.

Being in the state of jadedness brings about the gloom and darkness of the world.

There was a saying in Jostein Gaarder's book that stated that we humans are luckier than angels because we are given the gift of creation. To be able to see what the Almighty has created so hard.

Unfortunate that with innocence gone, the world seems more a dark and dangerous place instead of the wonder that it is.

I wish to regain back that aspect, searching for the inner child that has crouched and hid itself within me.

Take my hand child, do not be afraid. Once again, we both walk hand in hand to see the world and what it has to offer.

Neways, my entry ends here for now. May all have happiness and truth and the connection to their inner child.

- now listening to "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt -

Tis now 4.24 am in the morning. A silent early morning, my favourite moment, for there's indeed a peace of mind in all the chaos that happens around.

Tis a wonderful song isn't it by James Blunt? Tis a song many can relate to. We've all been through it in our lifetime.

Tis indeed something I can sorta feel. Well, not entirely but the concept is there. I watched "Fireflies : River of Light" or "Hotaru no Hoshi" and one of me fave idols was there. She's so cute and her expression sorta invoked an emotion from within.

Tis amazing how behind a face that serves as a good mask, there are so many secrets, so many doors leading to pasts and events that is best kept secret. It was like I wanted to be there, to be able to allow her to open the door and share the burden that she carried so much upon her shoulders, to show that she is indeed loved and cared for. To just be there for her. <3

And the music was emotion invoking as well, great sounds that I would indeed love to get a hold of.

But back to masks we wear, which sort of brings me to what I'm about to jot down.

I spoke to a fellow colleague of mine. We had a long talk bout our lives. Indeed the concept of masks holds true for him. For what is on the exterior is definitely not what is on the inside. As I spoke to him, he opened the door into his past for me to see. I was amazed indeed by what he had gone through, the path in which he walked upon. It was rough sailing for him, emotionally and mentally. How he changed and all.

It was indeed an enlightening experience and lesson. He taught me many things by telling me his principles in life and such.

It was something I could relate to as well. To lose something so precious and never be able to get it back. And how that invoked the transformation of the persona that is now me from who I used to be. Of course the interactions with other people served as supplements to the change as well.

We were once worms who went through the cocoon stage, braving the elements to become butterflies.

- now listening to "God is a Girl" by Groove Coverage -

Lately I've been busy adjusting myself to a new change in my life. I have involved myself in a part time business and at the same time currently doing a free lance job.

Bout the business, more details along the river of time. The boat is still sailing so more to see along the way. Tis not all scenery I can tell you. There're many obstacles and perhaps a big waterfall along the way, but there're people who are helping me keep afloat until I reach the vast ocean where everything is all beautiful.

Neways, hence the lack of update. Been also playing Dota. Yes, I'm bloody hooked to it. Dammit! >.<"

Tis jes so addictive man. But oh well.

Finished the LOTR saga, FINALLY. Now started on Dan Brown's "Da Vinci Code".

Character design still in the works. Got only 2 sketches of it so far. More to develope, both on the visual and on the written parts.

- now listening to "Hidden Forest" by Tony O'Connor -

I look at my hands and look into myself. Am I such a bad person?

I was involved in an argument with someone a few days back. That person got so mad that he held me by my neck, threatening to strangle me. But I stared at him in the face, unafraid, embracing death. If he wanted to kill me, so be it. I rather die than to live a life with such a person as him. For he was the fire starter, and he was also the fuel pourer. For he for so long had bugged me like a turd that won't flush, which is the fuel pouring into me. And finally, one comment was the spark that ignited the collected fuel within, turning on not a fire but a blaze.

I defied him. He demanded respect from me and I shall by all means, give no such thing to him for he didn't deserve it at all. Bullshit was all I can say in my heart.

There're more details into the argument but I shall keep it hush, because the very next day he spoke to me again as though nothing happen. But what has been done has been done. You can't just erase something you have said or done. You think that you with power can do whatever you want? The scar has been inflicted and it shall remain there in my mind till the end of my days, and if things go better, perhaps for a long time.

You want respect? Sure I'll salute you. Here's a one finger salute jackass.

He said I was a bad person. But am I really a bad person? I defied him and defended myself against the accusations thrown upon me that were false. And not once has this accusation been thrown upon me but a thousand times already.

Am I a bad person? I wondered and pondered about this.

I hate conflicts, especially conflicts where the parties can't sit and settle things intellectually. I'm all open for discussions.

But when you build bloody freaking four walls around your damn self, you can't expect no peace treaty now can ye?

Sheez...

And to think this person is years older than me. This emphasises and strengthens my principle I hold on to.

Age is just a number that records your time you have spent being in your mortal vessel upon this realm. Tis the mind that truly be the judge of how wise and old you are.

A famous saying my dad always says.

"I eat more rice that you."

And I say, "Well then, the rice you eat is bad rice."

Want respect, you gotta earn it. You don't expect respect to fall from the sky.

- now listening to "Everything I Do, I Do It For You" by Bryan Adams -

Enough for the rant. Phew. Chest empty.

Lately with all that's going on, life has been pretty messed up with a jumble of new things to juggle. So slowly adjusting myself. The business has indeed been a big blow to me. A sudden avalanche of things.

Slow and steady does it.

Neways, back to the angel I'm so infatuated with. XD

She's so cute and adorable. It made me heart melt just looking at her. Gyaa...

I'm a sucker for cute, so sue me. XD

To live for someone is indeed so beautiful. Such a strong drive. I know people who do just that, to do things for someone. And they go so far and touch the horizons so easily. They have so much drive and force within them. It's amazing.

May all find someone or anyone, no matter the amount or age, that becomes a source of strength and drive.

Neways, my entry ends here for now. May all find strength and have happiness always.

Just wanna wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Happy holidays one and all. =)

- now listening to "Cat and Me" by Casker -

Tis now 1.30 in the morning. And here I am wide awake. Although I should be sleeping but...what the heck. XD

Tis after all, been a while since I managed to enter in a new entry. Days of late have been highly cruel to the rare commodity that is free time. Have been highly weighed down by assignment after assignment after assignment after assignment. Did I forget assignments?

Neways, days have been hectic. Maya assignments are killers on the loose. Marketing project and short film shooting. You'd think that a robot can break down handling all these, let alone a human being such as me. But I ain't no human being come to think of it. I believe I was a human being. I'm now instead a zombie.

The flows of life have changed recently.

Things seem...surreal and empty and cold. I guess tis the stress perhaps?

Things have changed. More things have been learned. How one can see so many happenings before the eyes. People aren't what they used to be and people aren't what they seem. Appearance is indeed evolving into an actual mask, and everyone is wearing a pretty good one.

I have learned recently from a friend of mine bout many things life. The way to go through life as he sees. Though some of his principles are not what I would agree with, he does have experience nonetheless and the rationale and reasons he gives to support his statements are indeed convincing and logical. I learned quite many things.

What to strive for, what to aim for, the fact that sometimes nobility, honour and honesty can't be used for chivalry has indeed vanished into quite the thin air. Either that or chivalry has been a fabricated aspect in human life and indeed does not exist.

- now listening to "A Thing About You" by Roxette -

Is it a truth that is seen with eyes closed by the majority that the human race is getting more and more complex and that it is headed towards a downward spiral of development?

Oh well...

On the good news I have installed a new TV (which is the ol TV that was in its box collecting dust) (finally!). So now I get to play consoles or watch movies. Woo pee! =P

Have also been playing DOTA and Serious Sam 2. Great multiplayer games and parrots are cute. XD

But aside from that, life has been pretty much...routine, robotic and bland. There is more spark to life than this right? The wonder of life can't possibly be just this? I'm sure God didn't spend 6 days just to create something that wasn't filled with so many possible things to discover.

Perhaps there is indeed something to this life of the mundane, a life of the system we're in. But well, so far I have indeed been drained out to see it. So far the only thing I see is assignments and nothing more. -_-" Whoa...scary...

Sleep has been rare and the opportunity of some private time with the com even rarer. Tis as rare as finding the right one who will fill up the gap within the heart. Gap...life has been rather an empty journey. I dunno. Just feels...empty...

Stand upon the empty land before thee,
Tell me what is it that you can see,
Nothing isn't that the answer?
The land seems to stretch on forever.

A barren land a barren place,
Not a soul not a face,
The journey continues on and on,
A tired soul I am, dull and forlorn.

The wanderer seeks for something,
No words to describe, just a concept to hold,
Something to heal the empty heart and soul within,
It will come, so he was told.

But it has not,
And the will thus rot,
He has no strength to go the lot
Of distance before him to reach what he sought.

I lie and wonder just what it is,
That will in time bring me peace,
To quench the thirst of this soul,
That has wandered distances several fold.

Random words that pop into my head I decide to write it out. And perhaps will upload it as a deviation.

Neways, I guess my entry ends here for now. I think me bro wants me to play with him Halo. -.-"

Till next time, may all have happiness.

- now listening to "Take A Picture" by Filter -

A beautiful cool evening it is as I sit and type this here new entry. Tis been quite a while since an update of the journal.

Life's been pretty hectic, and alotta things have happened in college assignment context.

The last two days and today though were spent staying at home recuperating from a sickness. Dengue I think it is although I have yet to see a doctor to confirm it. Yes, I haven't seen a doctor. Was supposed to go but me dad in the end din bring me there. >.>"

The sickness was pretty killer. Headache, aching in the eyes, aching muscles, fever, cough, an upset stomach and hmmm, that's bout it I guess. Oh yes, extreme fatigue and the need to just pop to sleep (not to mention I was so dizzy jes standing, as though my head had weights in em that shifted dangerously to an extreme side with a slight tilt, sending my brain juices a-hurling, rendering me close to throwing up).

Yeah, the sick of sick. X.x

But I'm okay as of today, just a little of an itchy throat and cough. And it was bad mojo for not just me but me bro and sis as well. Stayed at home today for the extra rest and to take care of me sis. Bro though is doing fine and in fact has gone off on a field trip. All pain does go away when you're having fun I guess. Talk bout power of the mind.

Neways, thanks Ms Yellow Black Stripes for the sms. =P XD

Well, at least the days off gave me some much needed rest from the hectic that is TOA. Been thinking alot about my college. Seriously, it is a killer battleground. You ain't known what killer is until you stepped into it. The compressions of time and everything in the system is enough to make your brains explode. I know mine nearly did and worse of all, I'm going for more brain torment.

Oh well. X_x"

Also, yesterday was a good day spent reading the whole book titled "Wisdom For The New Millennium" by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. A great book for it contained many wise words from the great spiritual leader himself.

Tis amazing what a smile can do. Whenever I look at Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's face I can't help but feel comfort and love towards this spiritual man. The "Guru of Joy" as many around the world call him, he goes around with a smile. And there're many reasons why there's such a facial expression that he keeps so well. Just reading his words brought to light many important things.

The amazing thing about his words is that he sees things from a very humanistic and back-to-nature sort of point of view. Words that people of all walks can heed for he emphasised on human values, the very basic down-to-the-self, down to the very source.

It was also very enlightening how the enlightened ones and the wise had so much wisdom, so much so that they knew how to play their pieces.

As a saying I've said goes : "Know your pieces, what each of them do, then you play on the chessboard."

That's what these great ones have done. They knew just what to do. It was just pure ingenious. The right actions for the right situations. And when one started to sit down and ponder about it, I'm left with wonder and amazement and a "wow" on my forehead. I just can't believe the amount of connections leading from this to that to here to there. It all made so much sense.

There's a saying : "There's a reason for everything that happens."

And yes there was, and with so much common sense it slapped me over so hard I lay on the floor laughing "whoa" and "damn!". It was just an amazing experience.

Okay, you might think I'm nutz but oh well. It's just the book. It was amazing. I guess it was wise words coupled with a warm smile from a Guru of Joy on the front cover that gave quite an effect. Of course there were other words as well that were heartfelt.

"Knowledge is power"

A famous phrase we all hear too often but take for granted. Of course knowledge, make sure it is useful and relevant knowledge. You can't find the meaning of a word if you read in another book aside from the dictionary. Likewise in this context.

He brought the issue of death. And the words he spoke of death was amazing. Usually I'm not one to fear death so easily for I always sort of believed that death is something that happens naturally. Whatever happens just happens. But in his book, he stated my belief and so much more. A glimpse into how death does feel like and how reincarnation works. There was so much common sense with all his rationale. And always, smiling he was. XD

I guess I'll stop here, I don't want to spoil the magic of the book. I reccommend reading the book. It gets twenty thumbs ups from me, and if I had twenty thumbs, I'd raise all twenty at once. =D

Well, I guess for now my entry ends here. Wanna go type out a poetry piece. =P

May all have happiness always.