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- now listening to 'Agony' by Kotoko -

2 something in the am. A day for all things random so erm...no straight roads here or direct paths. Tis a criss cross of many things that come to mind.

Well, I just finished a project that was due and currently is starting to work on a script for a presentation on Wednesday.

The song does suit the mood as of the moment. I do feel agony.

Tis strange really...

I finished a tough assignment. But for some reason I feel empty...

There're so many thoughts swimming in my mind. For the time being there's this mad swirl of emotions going around in me.

I've taken a new path, walking in a new direction. A must need. Any longer down the old path and it would have led me to my doom. I feel this new path just saved my life by a 100 fold.

I feel free and at the same time like there's something missing.

Maybe it's a question of the heart. Hmmm...

I would put up what the heart has to say, that it tells me it's confused and yearning...but at the same time, there's a secrecy issue I'm telling myself. For the moment that is.

To chase a dream of little hope of being realised...or to chase the reality and throw the dream away?

Ever been in that situation? Kinda sucks...choices...

- now listening to 'For Fruits Basket' from Fruits Basket OST -

Ever felt like you are a burden to others? That you are falling behind a train you know you can't catch and you're slowly losing out?

For the many weeks that have passed I've seen and saw where I stood, where I belong...

I see others around me and how far they have gone. I've always wondered with so much amazement how is it that these ppl can get to where they are with the snap of a finger.

I tried to walk their walk, talk their talk...but nothing beats the original.

I dunno, perhaps I'm a slow learner. Things tend to go into my head once and it requires a reboot and reinsertion to get more ingrained and placed in my memory.

I've always had this belief that I shud take my time on my journey of education. To slowly absorb at my rate. But the environment really does push you. It's a pace much faster than I can catch up to. Too too fast for me.

I'm lacking the fires of motivation to run the engine in me.

How is it that everyone gets that flame burning and keeping them going? It's amazing really! Su goi no ne!

There have been on many occasions, questions popping in my head, bringing me to face the sentences :

"Is this really what I'm going to live with? Am I really doing the right thing?"

I feel lost at times, and the future's uncertainty never became so much more real. Like a block of hard cold ice I get smacked by it time and again.

- now listening to 'Souda! We're Alive!' by Morning Musume -

I just had a class today and I got exposed to the School of Athens, or a little bit of it.

To live in a time such as that where I can live up to what I love to do best. Ponder and ask questions about existance and philosophy.

Time's have changed. I feel like I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time?

Or am I? Am I instead at the right place at the right time? That my purpose is to change the world? Me contributing as a little piece to move the corks of fate and destiny to turn and spin the earth in a slightly different direction, that with the help of time, events will happen in way of chain reactions that will lead to a huge revolution?

Makes you wonder now as I sit and think about it. Indeed facinating.

We are all small pieces of a jigsaw puzzle gone scrambled, and the pieces are slowly falling into place, really slowly but surely.

Or maybe I'm just imagining things?

- now listening to 'Uwaki no Honey Pie' by H!P All Stars -

Tis now 3.30 in the am the next morning lol. Postponed entries...

Oh well, was busy with work so yeah, had to do it. =P

As of the current moment a question was brought up :

Commercial art versus personal art.

Following many discussions past, present and perhaps future indefinitely, commercial art is like the bane of the artist universe.

Rush, standards, controlled will, borders, rules...

So many restrictions, that which kills the inner artist in everyone. >_<"

Well, one could look at it two ways of course. One is the killer, the other is the challenge. Perhaps those at the top have the latter mindset, putting it as a challenge to come up with something outside the box even though bound by it.

Tis like breaking out of prison. You're caged but you're thinking beyond the walls.

Personal art is beautiful on the other hand. When I say personal art I mean art that you produce with no rules and whatsoever. Freedom of style, doing your own thing at your own pace. No datelines or scary bosses or orders...just you and you doing your thing.

But no mullah as well, unless you're an illustrator turned big. And even then you have to make yourself known by making your name within the industry first. Either that or you get lucky meeting the right people and getting into the right channels that raise your name. Or your style appeals and conquers quite a big piece of the pie chart of art audiences.

A debate that has been going on and the debate that has left me questioning many things including whether I made the right choice or not.

- now listening to 'Roman' by Romans -

Just posted up a rant on my DA account. I hafta say that it was weighing at the back of me mind whether I should post it up or not. But now that I've done it I feel satisfied.
Like this burden let out.

Well, I'm not one to be so mean to say such words, but when you have someone like that person bugging you, it does give you the the motivation to say something.

People have limits. Don't overstep them.

Well, neways, I think my random thoughts will end here for now. Gawd knows why I jes felt like spilling my thoughts.

I usually don't do something so jumbled up as this. Oh well. Till next time when everything's more ordered. =P


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