- now listening to Berryz Koubou Live Tour 2005 album song titled 'Semi' -

Tis now 2.30 in the morning. I sit back and type this entry and at the same time, dwell within the emotions that surface in my heart born from this song.

I don't understand how a song can be so beautiful and so powerful and so strong in emotion invoking.

The lyrics of the song speaks of a person caught in between, between the love she misses and the new love found. To be caught in between.

I ponder as I sit and stare at the ceiling.

To be caught in between. I have been in quite a lot of in between situations. Most of the time, a path that I chose to tread upon.

It's so strange. Cos life now seems so surreal. So mixed. So hybrid. So coin-like, two-sided melded into one. That sorta feeling.

At one point life feels so shitty and yet it feels just right. It feels so empty, and yet so fulfilled. It feels so lonely, and yet so complacent and full. I miss a past, and yet I'm happy for the way things turn out.

A paradoxical maelstrome of emotions. And invoked by a song. So beautiful is the song. The tune so melodic and strumming on the strings of emotions.

Tis like you're naked, floating in an ocean, lulled by the sway of gentle currents, asleep, letting the flows carry you around to places unknown.

- now listening to Berryz Koubou Live Tour 2005 album song titled 'Piriri to Yukou' -

Now this song is a total difference in tempo. So upbeat.

I can only smile. Oh well.

I've been hooked up with all things Berryz Koubou and Momusu. Well not surprising since I've just managed to get a hear of Berryz Koubou's Live Tour 2005 as stated above plus several songs that I've been dying to get. Lol.

Tis strange how I'm okay with their songs. Considering how alot of people cringe at their upbeatness, I'm actually pretty at home with it. Heck, I actually welcome it with open hands.

It sorta brings a light to a world gone pessimistic. Or just a world where there is so little meaning to it. Lol.

I am pessimistic you know. Lol. Maybe a little psycho at the sides as well. Who knows? XD

- now listening to Berryz Koubou Live Tour 2005 album song titled 'Yume de Do-Up' -

A slightly easy listening tune this one. Very nice mood. =)

Hmmm. Life without a car has indeed been highly a b*tch. Damn, I missed the freedom of an automobile. Stranded at home ain't good man.

As a person once told me, I need to get out more often. Well, I would if I had the damn car. XD

Stupid 17 year old kid. -______-

- now listening to Berryz Koubou Live Tour 2005 album song titled 'Anshinkan' -

To be stuck in the middle. Neither this nor that. Here nor there. One has two hands, but chose to center the soul in between, to be at the heart.

Surreal isn't it when one thinks about it.

Damn paradoxical mayhem. There's peace within neutrality and yet chaos within the heart in all this blissful peacefulness.

The human is so interesting no?

- now listening to Berryz Koubou Live Tour 2005 album song titled 'Anata nashi de wa ikite yukenai' -

What do you want?!

We've always heard this phrase shouted, asked, brought up, yelled, commented, whispered and many other voice types in movies, real life and all things related to our lives.

I look now at the human that is me. I picture my inner soul stepping out of this vessel, out of this shell, out of this mortal ship of protein, and look at it through the eyes of the soul.

What is it that you truly want? I ask the human that is me.

I just realised just how hard it is to answer that question. Isn't it hard to answer it? Don't you think?

I know what I want! One would say. But is that what you truly want? Will you be complacent with just that? Will you be satisfied? Will you dwell till the end of your days with just that? Will you be able to stay still at that spot and not move an inch? Will you be able to bear seeing it forever till the darkness of death envelopes you?

Wow...I really have no true answer come to think of it now.

- now listening to Berryz Koubou Live Tour 2005 album song titled 'Koi no Jubaku' -

But does one truly have the answer to those questions? Can they dare say the ultimate 'yes' and live up to their word and face whatever the consequences? Do they have the guts to carry such a burden promised by words uttered by their mouths? Do they have the stomach to swallow such a huge challenge?

Thinking about this actually brought to mind some interesting personas. Saying so much but always contradicting themselves.

I smile now as I had when I realised just the power of a phrase that a wise person brought up. Once again the beauty of philosophy. Philosophy speaks the phrases of such divine deep wisdom, words not judged by its literal meaning but the very meaning behind it only felt and seen when coupled together with one's own life experiences and essence of the inner sensitive, awoken and aware self.

"The best answer for any question that can be posed is none other than silence."

I believe this was stated by the famous guru of compassion and love, Sri Sri Ravishankar.

- now listening to Berryz Koubou Live Tour 2005 album song titled 'Special Generation' -

And such a divine saying it is. One just can't fathom how deep and wonderful that phrase is, how so true, how so divinely ultimate and high in the peak of only true answers, that there can be no other way around.

Sure one can try to rebel but truly, one does begin to realise it. Tis okay to rebel against the statement. As the guru has so will all who believe it adopt the smile of patience. It'll come in due time.

"It's like falling in love. You just know it. From balls to bone." - Oracle of the Matrix -

- now listening to Berryz Koubou Live Tour 2005 album song titled 'Yuujou junjou oh seishun' -

It's quite like the Oracle stated actually. Tis indeed a gut feeling sorta thing. You can feel it. You just know it. As deep rooted as instinct, as clear as the ability to think that God has given to humans.

- now listening to Berryz Koubou Live Tour 2005 album song titled 'Berry fields' and 'Bye bye mata ne' -

But you know, to be stuck in the middle. I wonder how was it for Lord Buddha and the middle path. I believed his path was a path of smiles.

Mine is just one of confusion. Lol. I have yet to embrace more truths.

"Knowledge is power."

How so true it is really. The more one learns the more one realises so many things the more one learns to be more at peace actually.

I guess many of us are frantic, insecured or always on the look out, on our toes in this life.

It could be due perhaps to this fact stated by this statement.

"Humans are afraid of things they do not understand."

I wonder is it true? What do you think? But amazing isn't it how that statement tallies together with the statement "Knowledge is power".

Love seeing connections behind the veils. Lol. Oh well. That's me toying around again with life's questions and answers and ultimate truths.

Well, I guess like the song playing now tis time to say goodbye. My entry ends here for now. May all find happiness and may all find truths. =)